In one of those massive tomes comprising the Church Dogmatics, Barth remarks that of all the grandeur and pathos Christian art has bequeathed to the world, one particularly fatal flaw was made. Despite countless efforts, Christian art has positively failed to produce an acceptable ascension scene. At least, he says, we all get a good laugh out of it. I would go a step further. Some depictions of the parousia might just be a bit more gut-wrenching. This is particularly the case when the terror-target is overshot, and the artifact lands squarely within the fence-line of Oscar Romero’s playground.

But Barth is right; we should let out a good laugh through the apocalyptic air we all seem to be breathing at the moment.

Now for the money question: Where does ascending Jesus of Nazareth “go” when he exits the Troposphere? Taking bets: Can he make it to the mesosphere if he holds his breath?

And as for the parousia — I present the Rapture in the key of J.N. Darby: